Are you all still kicking and working on this website? More information could be very useful in this time and age to guide people to a healthier perspective on this issue... So if you're still around and working on this, here's your cheerleader.
Hi anon. Sadly this blog has been abandoned. We are taking an indefinite hiatus from Tumblr, and FourQ and Shimizu have deleted their accounts. I’m very happy to see a cheerleader for the blog, but unfortunately it seems like you cheer for nothing. :( If you would like to take over this blog (or anyone else out there who happens to be reading this), please do go ahead and drop an ask in our inbox, as I would happily give it over to someone who will run it properly.
This blog is going to be back up and running soon (a lot of us got really busy), so expect to see some content! I’m working on an FFT as we speak. And as always, feel free to direct any multiplicity-related questions into our ask, and we’ll try our best to answer. :)
Also, if anyone is interested in helping us co-run this, please shoot us an ask!
- Ariane, Four Quadrants
Do you know how I might be able to help my headmates front? They really want to, but they've never been able to do anything beyond co-fronting. c:
I’ve heard that meditation can help with fronting. I front the majority of the time in our system, and I’ve never been able to give up the front entirely, but sometimes we blur. If you meditate, you can get into a relaxed state enough to let someone else try to take control. Try to imagine slipping back into your headspace as you do it, and out of your body, letting someone else experiment with using it. The extent of our fronting usually is that our handwriting and mannerisms change, even though we don’t do it often. I know others front a lot more dramatically than that. I think what we do might be co-fronting? And that might be all you can manage. It’s different for everyone, I think. I hope that helped a little.
- Ariane (Four Quadrants)
I’m one of the people who’s been able to semi-front before, but it’s rather difficult. I don’t think I could ever completely front because Ariane’s mind might panic, giving up full control, since she’s not used to it. But that might be also because Ariane has difficulty getting her mind to that calm a state? I know it’s easier for others. All I know is it will probably take a lot of practice, and since we don’t have a particular interest in it most of the time, we’re not very good at it.
- The Master (Four Quadrants)
This is an enormous problem we have had ourselves. Dorian has a passionate desire to front, but unfortunately I’ve never been able to give up the front before. I have no idea why, and it has really frustrated us both, many times.
This might be relevant - it’s a “Guide to Fronting” tumblr post I discovered recently. We’ve so far attempted its techniques once, with little success to show for it, but it may be more helpful to you. I’ve also heard that it may be helpful to imagine your headmate’s body as “overlaying” yours, as if imagining that your body looked like theirs.
Anyway, if you do manage any success, please tell us. xD
(put in a separate post because the first one is already too long)
I think what Ryn said about sticking firmly to saying “this is the truth, deal with it” is a good idea. That said, I haven’t had much experience with that sort of thing, though. If I tell people about the system, it’s usually after a long time of determining if they would be receptive to that sort of thing. Two of my good friends in the outworld are never going to know, simply because I think they’d tell me I was delusional. It’s an important part of my identity, but it’s also relatively private for me, so I guess it bothers me a bit less if I don’t get to tell people. I also have people I know who are also systems, and of course we know about each other, so that helps a lot. The majority of my friends don’t know, though. And I don’t think I’m ever going to tell them, and that’s okay. I guess, if sticking to your guns doesn’t work, maybe just try to accept that they might not believe you? Some people just aren’t as receptive to that sort of thing, regardless of how good/nice a person they are otherwise. Making friends with other systems also helps ease that discomfort, since you would have an outlet for talking about system things, and sharing experiences.
- Ariane (Four Quadrants)
Speaking as someone inworld who doesn’t interact with the majority of Ariane’s friends (she fronts the majority of the time), I guess it bothers me less when people don’t believe we exist. I know I exist, and so do my husband and people important to me. But they are also inworld, heh. I think if I fronted more, it would bother me. I guess what I am trying to say is also to try to be close with people in your system? That can be a support network also, and can help a lot. I’ve gained some wonderful friends since I’ve arrived here, and they’ve really helped me with things, including coming to terms with being here (I thought that this was a dream for the longest time, and that I’d wake up in the war again. So, effectively, I thought none of this was real). That was sort of a ramble, but I hope it helped. :)
- Blue (Four Quadrants)
How do you deal with people not believing you? I don't mind when random internet people don't, but my best friend doesn't.
I’ll answer this first, and hopefully one of the others will come along and edit their answer in as well.
First of all, I know how painful it is to be sneered on by people you come out to in regards to your plurality. I think we can all agree on that. Secondly, this reminds me of something someone said to me as I was discussing this very matter with them the other day. They said that when they came out to their friend, they pretty much told her: “These are the facts, whether or not you believe them, and even if you don’t believe me, that’s not going to change what I am.” If you maintain the truth and refuse to budge, I think eventually your best friend has to accept this as a part of you, even if they might think that it’s all a delusion. I mean, once you’ve progressed from “you’re lying/making it up” to “you’re deluding yourself”, you can then begin to educate them on healthy multiplicity with various resources, and explaining the distinct difference between DID and multiplicity, for example.
If they are really your best friend they will be patient and understanding and try to learn more when you try to educate them, because they’re your best friend and that’s what best friends do. Hopefully, through this slow process, it’ll stop being about “I’m listening because I want to help you leave this craziness” and be more about “I’m listening because I’m finally starting to understand that this isn’t mentally unhealthy”. (ETA: I would like to add that my best friend is singlet but gets along well with us and is completely understanding of it - so it’s not an impossible situation!)
As requested, another perspective edited in, albeit a less optimistic one:
We don’t deal with it at all; we’re closeted everywhere outside multiple-related circles. Most people just plain don’t get it, so we just keep a closeted-about-everything singlet persona for regular interactions, and have people deal with all the “phases” and “frequent changes”, that’s already enough for most. The “being our real selves” thing is reserved for those with whom we know or can reasonably assume that they get it, typically because they’re multiple themselves.
The mask is something we see as the price to pay for the privilege of living this way.
- Dylan (Shimizu)
Can this blog also be used for advice? How often do you all check it?
Yes, it certainly can. Myself, I currently check it every day. Please go ahead and ask any questions you have! We’ll try to get at least 2 systems answering. :)
From what we’ve observed on tumblr in the multiplicity community, we’ve noticed that systems whose body or core/host is FAAB (female assigned at birth) tend to have a majority of male headmates, and then the majority of those male headmates tend to be queer in some way. We’re wondering what your thoughts are on this topic, and if you’ve noticed this as well.
I personally have experienced this in my own system. We do have a fair amount of female identified people in my headspace, but the majority are, in fact, males who are queer. It’s a smallish majority, but it’s still definitely noticeable. I know at least three other systems IRL who are like this too, and all the “cores” are FAAB. I’ve also definitely noticed it around tumblr, from what I can tell. I don’t know what exactly the cause would be, though, or if there is a cause. Maybe seeing other systems with the same thing influences us, and we have sort of gravitated in that direction? I dunno. But it’s interesting to speculate.
- Ariane, Four Quadrants System
We have to be very cautious with an observation like this, I feel, because there is the danger of making comparisons with the stereotype of women fetishising gay men and using them for entertainment purposes. As a (gay) transman myself, I would react very poorly to being compared with such a stereotype, naturally.
I don’t think there’s any concrete answer to the question of why this occurs. It might be something to do with upbringing or ‘female’ socialisation. It might, in terms of fictives, be something to do with how male characters are commonly much more fleshed-out and 3 dimensional in general than female characters, due to an unfortunate trend for female characters to serve primarily as the sex appeal. I think that’s probably a much more likely explanation than a female socialisation one, though it is possible that subconsciously, female-identified FAAB persons have that notion of desiring male friends in order to provide that ‘other viewpoint’ to the world, and male-identified FAAB persons just want some more guys to hang out with. (Genderqueer FAAB, I’m not sure about!) I mean, women are constantly bombarded with this idea of ‘needing’ a man, whereas there’s less social advertising to suggest that men ‘need’ women, if you understand me.
In the end, no one can really know, and I hope I haven’t offended anyone with what I just said.
- Ryn, Aristocracy System
(ETA: This post also holds an interesting point.)
One thing we’d like to introduce as a feature of interest for this blog is something we’ll call “Food For Thought”. This will basically involve a discussion of certain interesting topics related to plurality/multiplicity/fictionality, etc, posted at random intervals, with contributions of opinion from several different individuals, with at least two different systems participating on each FFT topic. These can be topics brought up randomly by one of us, or even suggested by or follow-ups on asks we receive.
I’ll be putting up our first Food for Thought soon.
In other news: We’d like to officially welcome any sort of questions, or discussion, in our askbox!
- Ryn (aristo)
This blog’s purpose is to offer more perspectives on multiplicity/plurality, as well as be a general informational site about the subject. We believe that more perspectives will be beneficial to the multiplicity community, and will give people more options when they are searching for information.
It’s currently under construction, but we have a glossary all set up, and we are working on a FAQ. Expect posts soon. :)